There was a night where I was feeling pretty crappy. You kept asking me why I dipped out right when you came to the lobby and I made an excuse of “I didn’t wanna deal with the traffic”. You texted me later saying “There was no traffic” I said “whoops” then you insisted I tell you what was wrong but at the time, I wasn’t sure.
We went to the library together after dinner then sat at different tables because of the lack of space. I went home about 20 minutes after I got there because I didn’t have the right books. I apologized for my behavior and you said it’s okay. I texted you saying “You know what I could really go for right now?” You replied “What?” I answered “A hug” you said “Me too. I’ll be over soon.” I didn’t really believe you until you said you were downstairs. We sat on the couch, watched Law & Order: SVU, and talked. I sat in the middle-ish facing you, you sat at the end with your arm extended on the back of the couch. It looked inviting but I did wanna over step anything. You asked “Do you feel that?” I reply “Feel what?” And it was you playing with my hair. At the time I didn’t think it was a big deal, but now part of me thinks you were playing with it ever since we sat down.
I told you personal stories about myself only my best friends knew. And something only a selective few know. At the end of the night I said “You know, you came over for a hug and we haven’t yet.” You stood up, I stood up, then we hugged. You put on your jacket, we hugged. You put on your shoes and we talked a bit before the door and you were the first guy to ever say this “You have a pretty smile” when I opened the door, you stood outside of it staring at me. I asked “What?” You opened your arms and we hugged.
I made you a milkshake that took nearly a week or two to finish but you said “It gives me an excuse to come over”
I feel like, if we never hooked up then maybe things could’ve been as they used to. But there’s no way we could find out now.
When I told you how I felt it complicated things, you started acting differently, I started getting jealous and unsure. I think I pushed you away and I’m sorry.
Now you’re back with your ex. Not only did I lose a crush, I lost a best friend.
I miss talking to you. I miss hitting each other up to go eat. I miss being excited to come into work cause that meant I could see you. I miss sending you cute shit I find on tumblr. I miss you walking me home from work. I miss you walking me to work. I miss hugging you goodbye.
The night we hooked up you drunkenly said,”I always thought our first kiss would be when we said goodbye”
What if our first kiss was when we said goodbye?